Battle of Anxiety
There are days that I can make it to work and still make it look like I had not been crying just before getting there. Other days I have to stall in the break room after arriving to allow my cheek color to return to normal and my eyes to dry. Anxiety starts all over again. "I hope no one can tell I had just been crying", "why am I so crazy". Every day there's some sort of mental battle that I face that I have to push myself to go another day. I feel like my mind is terrified all the time. Never letting me truly rest and find peace throughout the day. Sleep... what is that? There are also days I wake up still half anxious from sleep. And I am faced with the questions I'm sure anybody in their life has to answer or try to figure out: Who am I? Do I even know who I am? Does anybody know who I really am?
What I know about myself and what God must see me doing there is no possible way anyone can love me. Regardless of the intensity I have lied, I have cheated, I have stolen. I have wished pain upon people, and I have coveted. The list carries on and the more I think about it the deeper I go off the path of righteousness. Off of the path God has laid out for me. I had to learn eventually that God does not whisper those things to us. The Bible talks about speaking LIFE
"Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak"
2 Corinthians 4:13
About how god created us to be in his image. The enemy once again has his way as soon as we wake up in the morning. **stumbling half entranced** We haven't even taken a moment with our Father who loves and adores us only to be bombarded with negativity. The Bible tells us to again to speak life.
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death… What death are you speaking over yourself? How can you speak more life into yourself?
I will tell you one thing, it is a conscious effort to break the chains of negativity and guilt. You have to physically force yourself to remember by catching the old habits in motion.
Catch the bad behavior and correct it with love.
God has grace for you you should also have grace for yourself. You're going to stumble, we all do and it's completely understandable. But this is your journey to better your mindset and grow in your faith.
